


Mindless

by Inkandquills, writersstudy



Series: Inktober 2019 [2]
Category: NCT (Band), NCT 127 - Fandom
Genre: Forced Medication, Hallucinations, Homophobia, M/M, Medication, Prison, first three are ch 1 second three are ch 2, homophobic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 12:49:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20866499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkandquills/pseuds/Inkandquills, https://archiveofourown.org/users/writersstudy/pseuds/writersstudy
Summary: Inktober 2019, Day Two!Prompt: MindlessGroup: NCT 127Pairing: Johnny/TaeilA: Johnny's first attempt at reassimilation doesn't go as planned.M: "I’m hearing voices in my head and everything they said, it’s never making any sense."[[PLEASE NOTE THAT WE, THE AUTHORS, HAVE NOT GIVEN PERMISSION FOR THIS WORK TO BE RE-POSTED ANYWHERE EXCEPT DIRECTLY ON AO3. IF YOU SEE THIS WORK ANYWHERE ELSE, PLEASE REPORT IT FOR COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT AND NOTIFY US AT LIVING.LENIENTLY@GMAIL.COM. THANK YOU.]]





	1. Ashlee

Johnny’s hand shook as he raised a fist to knock on the door. He hadn’t been able to call Taeil to let him know he was coming, so he had no idea if the older man was even home. They hadn’t spoken in over two years, but Johnny had nowhere else to go. 

“Johnny?” His thoughts were interrupted by the door opening and Taeil appearing in front of him. Johnny was suddenly lost for words. It was the first he’d seen of his boyfriend in two years and he had no idea what to say for him.

“What the fuck?” Taeil finally said weakly. He tugged Johnny inside and shut the door.

“How are you here?” he demanded, “the last they told me, you got thrown in solitary for god only knows what and no one knew when they’d let you out. Johnny, it’s been two years, you’ve gotta tell me something.”

“I...got acquitted,” Johnny managed to say finally, “they managed to find concrete evidence that the bastard perjured himself and they had to let me go. I had no money or I would’ve called you. All they gave me was a set of clothes and a bus ticket.”

“You’re free? For good?” Taeil asked, “no parole, nothing?” Johnny shook his head.

“My record’s been expunged, everything,” he said. He was trying to think of what else to say when Taeil suddenly hugged him tightly, making him stiffen.

“I-I just can’t believe it,” the older man said, still in shock, “you were gone a-and now you’re here. Johnny, I-I don’t even know what to say. I missed you so much.” He was shaking in Johnny’s arms and the younger man could only hug him tightly. He had thought that he’d never be able to hold Taeil again, so he was hesitant to let go. The two of them just stood in the middle of the living room, embracing tightly, until Taeil finally stepped away, wiping at his eyes.

“Have you eaten yet?” Johnny shook his head. “I’ll order a pizza then. Do you still like pepperoni?” Johnny nodded and took a slow seat on the couch while Taeil went to grab his phone. It was still surreal to him that he was actually here and not dreaming. At least, he hoped he wasn’t dreaming. 

Once Taeil had ordered the pizza, he sat on the couch next to Johnny, unsure of how close he could get. The older man was nervous too. Did Taeil even love him the same way anymore? They sat mostly in silence until there was a knock on the door. Taeil got up and returned with pizza.

“Can we talk about it?” the older man asked carefully as he settled back with a slice. Johnny sighed but nodded.

“They never told me anything about why you were in solitary,” Taeil said tentatively, “just that you got into an altercation with a guard.” Johnny looked down at his pizza, biting his cheek.

“I don’t want to talk about that,” he said quietly, “can we just eat and go to bed? It’s been a really long day.” He knew that if Taeil knew why he’d punched the guard, he’d never forgive himself. It was startlingly similar to the incident that had landed him in prison in the first place. Taeil sighed and nodded. He sat back and ate his pizza in silence. When the entire pie was gone, they both got up to clean it up and Taeil dug into a box in his closest.

“I kept most of your clothes packed up in here when they evicted you,” he said, “this is sweatpants and stuff. Hopefully, it all still fits.” Johnny took the box, thanking his boyfriend quietly before disappearing into the bathroom to change. The clothing was a bit on the tight side, but he made it work. Once he was dressed and had brushed his teeth, he went to Taeil’s bedroom. 

“Is there anything you  _ do  _ wanna talk about?” Taeil asked once Johnny had laid down. The younger man went over it in his head, all the things there were to say, but he didn’t want to talk about any of them. 

“I missed you,” he said instead, “I just want to hold you tonight.” He didn’t ever want to let Taeil go. 

“Alright, whatever you want, babe,” Taeil said. He settled down against Johnny’s side. He closed his eyes and Johnny did the same, hoping to sleep peacefully for the first time in years. 

He wasn’t so lucky. He woke with a gasp, Taeil’s hands tight on his shoulders like he’d been shaking him. The nightmare was so vivid, like he was right back in that tiny cell. 

“Johnny, are you okay?” Taeil asked, eyes filled with concerned. He grunted as Johnny hugged him tightly. The younger man was shaking almost violently. Taeil had never seen him so scared before. Johnny was mumbling something under his breath that Taeil had to strain to hear.

“Don’t leave me alone, please, don’t leave me,” he was mumbling. Taeil tightened his arms around Johnny’s neck and shifted into his boyfriend’s lap.

“I’m here, baby,” he murmured, “I’m not going anywhere. You won’t have to be alone again, Johnny, I promise.” Johnny took a shuddering breath and buried his face in Taeil’s shoulder.

This was not the Johnny he knew, the Johnny he remembered. The Johnny Seo of before hated crying, especially over something so trivial as a nightmare. He valued his alone time and would never openly sob in front of Taeil like this. Whatever had been done to him in prison, those things he refused to talk about, had scarred and changed him forever. Taeil didn’t love him any less, but he certainly cursed himself for not preparing himself for this kind of reaction. Johnny had spent more than two years locked in a box with nothing but his own mind for company. Of course he was going to be affected.

Eventually, with enough of Taeil’s soft words and touches, Johnny finally relaxed enough to loosen his grip on his boyfriend. Taeil cleaned his face up with gentle fingers before finally convincing Johnny to lay back down.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” he asked gently. Johnny sniffled.

“It wasn’t even anything,” he said quietly, voice rough, “I was just...back there. Alone, in the dark, without you or anyone. It was terrifying because I couldn’t tell if that was the dream or if this was. I couldn’t stand losing you again, hyung.” Taeil reached out and brushed Johnny’s long bangs out of his eyes.

“You are  _ never _ losing me again,” he said firmly, “you hear me? Never.” Johnny took another shuddering breath and let Taeil wrap him up tightly.

“In the morning,” the older man continued, “we’ll do our research and find you a therapist. I don’t want to watch you torture yourself every time you fall asleep. If you need to take some time before going back to work, or go on medication, or whatever you need, I’m here for you, but I’m not going to watch you deteriorate like this.” Johnny sniffled again and nodded. He knew Taeil was right.

“Okay,” he agreed, “in the morning.”

“So, Johnny, why don’t you start by telling me about the incident that sent you to prison.” The therapist, Jungwoo, sat back in his chair, watching Johnny attentively. He didn’t have a notebook or anything, but Johnny still felt like he was being analyzed anyway.

“Yeah, okay,” Johnny said finally, taking a deep breath. He explained how he and Taeil had been walking home from an event when they realized that they were being followed. As soon as they diverged from their normal path, the footsteps behind them picked up and they were attacked from behind by a crazed man with a knife. He had tried to de-escalate and simply protect Taeil until the man had managed to land a swipe on his boyfriend and Johnny had seen red. He had beaten the man into a bloody pulp that left him hospitalized for weeks. However, when they reached the trial, the man had claimed that they’d jumped him for no reason. With no cameras and no witnesses, it was just Johnny and Taeil’s word against his, and Johnny had been convicted. Twenty years behind bars, no possibility of parole.

“But you were acquitted,” Jungwoo said, “tell me about that.”

“I hired a PI,” Johnny admitted, “I knew there had to be something else to it. He didn’t attack us until we deviated from our normal path home, so I was immediately suspicious that he’d been following us for a while and planning to attack us at home. He’d claimed in court that he had no idea who we were, so when the PI finally got his wife to let him look around the house and found the box in the basement...it was filled to the brim with pictures of us, maps of our neighborhood, even blueprints of our apartment. If I hadn’t heard him following us, I have no idea what would have happened to us. They had to overturn the conviction because of the perjury alone. Yuta, the PI, said they put him back on the stand with all the new evidence and he pled out. We still don’t know why he did it, but he’s in jail now and I’m out with a clean record.” Jungwoo hummed, adjusting in his seat.

“So you served four years of your sentence, a little over two of those years in segregated housing, yes?” Johnny nodded, “can you tell me what led to that?”

“Nearly the same thing,” Johnny said, “Taeil would come to visit me once every couple of months. It was really the only thing that got me through that first year. After one of our visits, the guard escorting me back to my cell block started talking about Taeil and saying these vile things about him, saying what he wanted to do to him, calling us fags, the whole deal. I lost it. There were other people around, so I didn’t get him as good as he deserved, but there’s zero tolerance for violence against guards. I don’t even want to know how long they would have ultimately left me down there if I hadn’t gotten released.” 

“Johnny, this is all really good,” Jungwoo said, leaning forward and placing a hand on the older man’s knee, “not what happened, obviously, but I’m really glad that you’re being so open and willing to talk. That’s a really good sign.”

“Taeil said he didn’t want to watch me torture myself,” Johnny said quietly, “and I don’t want that either.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Jungwoo said, sitting up straight with a bright smile, “you’re gonna be just fine, Johnny. I promise.”


	2. Michelle

“I’m hearing voices in my head and everything they said, it’s never making any sense”

Johnny sat back on the couch and smiled as he looked around the room. Haechan was lying on his stomach on the floor with his head in his hands, while Mark sat cross-legged next to him. Taeil was on the opposite end of the couch with Yuta curled into his shoulder. Johnny loved movie nights because it was the only time he was guaranteed peace and quiet. Much sooner than he would like, the movie ended and the credits began to crawl across the screen. Haechan rolled over and sat up.

“Can we watch another one?” he asked with a pleading pout.

“Absolutely not, it’s bedtime,” Taeil replied as he pushed a drowsy Yuta off his shoulder. Yuta whined at being displaced and Haechan huffed from his spot on the floor. Johnny stretched as he stood up and extended his hands to haul the two youngest to their feet. They said their goodnights and disappeared into their respective rooms while Taeil practically carried Yuta to his. Johnny brushed his teeth and climbed under the covers positioning himself in the middle of the bed. He smiled against his pillow as he began to drift off to sleep.

_ “Johnny, please don’t make this difficult. Johnny, you can’t do that. If you take your medicine and eat your breakfast, you can have free time outside. I don’t want to have to call the doctor. See what happens when you cooperate? Now lock him back up, he’s not fit enough to leave the room yet. Johnny, quiet down and stop asking for those people.” _

Johnny sat up, breathing heavily. He wiped sweat from his brow and checked his phone. He had to be up in ten minutes anyway so he shut his alarm off and headed for the kitchen. He grabbed a glass of water and sat at the table with his head in his hands. He didn’t realize the others had woken up until Mark’s voice made him jump.

“Whoa, I didn’t expect to see you out here yet.” 

Johnny looked up to see his roommates plod into the room. 

“Johnny, are you okay? You look awfully pale,” Yuta asked as he began to gather ingredients to make breakfast.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just had a horrible dream last night,” he replied as he took a sip of water.

“What was it about?” Taeil asked as he slipped into the seat next to Johnny.

“I don’t remember most of it, but I was locked in a hospital. No, it wasn’t a hospital, but there was a nurse. She was rude and just horrible. No matter what I did, I couldn’t escape, but I woke up so I guess that’s as good as escaping right?” Johnny explained.

Taeil rubbed the younger’s shoulders, and surprisingly he didn’t move away. 

“Maybe we can just have a day-in today,” Mark suggested eyeing Johnny worriedly. 

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Johnny replied quietly. They ate breakfast in silence at first, but Haechan suddenly cracked a joke causing Mark, Yuta, and Taeil to burst into laughter. Johnny even mustered a small chuckle and a smile. Soon, they were talking as if nothing happened and then headed into the living room for a lazy day in together. They didn’t get many days off so Johnny always liked to take advantage of them when he could. They sat around the coffee table while Haechan grabbed a deck of cards from the cabinet.

“What is everyone feeling today?” he asked as he plopped down and began shuffling the deck, allowing the cards to slide between his fingers.

“Blackjack?” Taeil offered. Haechan nodded and was about to deal when Yuta piped up.

“I don’t know, wouldn’t Go Fish be a little more your speed?”

Before he knew it, Taeil had tackled him to the ground and pinned him there. Yuta tried desperately to push the elder off, and after quite a bit of effort, finally managed to push Taeil off of him and sit up. He huffed dramatically and dusted his arms off for good measure. Mark snickered and Haechan slapped the floor in a fit of laughter as Johnny peeled Taeil off of the floor to sit up.

“What about rummy?” Johnny asked as he brushed Taeil off. The younger pouted at him before sending a glare in Taeil’s direction. 

“Sure thing,” Haechan gasped as he caught his breath. He dealt the cards and the game proceeded as normal. Johnny found himself spacing out most of the game and lost count of the number of times Yuta had to elbow him to remind him it was his turn.

“Hyung,” Mark began cautiously. “Are you okay? You seem really off today.” 

Johnny sighed and placed his cards on the table. 

“I just… I just can’t get over that dream. It felt so real. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before,” his voice wavered ever so slightly, causing the other four to raise their eyebrows in concern. They had never seen the taller boy this shaken before, let alone over something so insignificant as a dream.

“Don’t forget you’re here with us! And no dream, no matter how horrible, can take that away. Try not to dwell on it too much or you’re going to make yourself sick,” Taeil said soothingly. The other three nodded in agreement. Johnny sighed and looked at his roommates. They were smiling softly at him and, as annoying as they could be most of the time, Johnny was grateful for how supportive they always were. 

“Thank you,” he said softly. “Now where were we?”

“Uh, actually it’s your turn,” Yuta said.

“Perfect,” Johnny said as he picked up his cards. They played cards for the rest of the day, only stopping to eat and for the occasional bathroom break. Finally, Taeil called it a night and the three youngest trudged off to bed while Johnny fidgeted with the deck of cards. Taeil threw away the takeout containers and was about to head to his room when he heard Johnny sigh.

“Johnny, are you coming to bed?” 

“Yeah, eventually. I think I’m going to stay up for a little bit longer,” Johnny replied as he dealt himself a round of Solitaire.

“Come on, it’s late and you need your rest,” Taeil said as he cleaned up the cards. Johnny didn’t argue and instead pulled himself to his feet with a groan.

“Don’t forget we’re going to be here in the morning, regardless of what happens. Now off to bed!” Taeil said.

Johnny smiled softly and nodded, whispering a thank you before heading into the bathroom. A few minutes later, he crawled into bed and buried himself under the covers, willing his mind to not torture him that night. He tossed and turned for a while before finally exhausting himself enough to fall asleep.

_ “Johnny, it’s time to take your medicine. You were fine yesterday, why is this a problem today? Don’t pull on those, you’re going to hurt yourself. Please stop struggling and make this easier for the both of us. Johnny, you aren’t going to be able to get out so please just take your medicine. Call the doctor and tell him to increase the dosage, this isn’t working.” _

Johnny shot up with a shout causing his roommates to come rushing into his room. 

“Johnny, what happened?” Taeil asked as he stepped in. Haechan rushed in behind him and sat on the bed. Mark peaked his head in and then disappeared from the door frame. Yuta shuffled in a moment later and stifled a yawn as he inquired as to what was wrong.

“I had another dream. It was the same exact voice, but it was worse. I couldn’t see anything and I couldn’t move, but I could hear her clear as day,” Johnny said shakily. Mark reappeared with a glass of water and passed it to the older boy.

“Will you be okay for the fan meeting today?” Mark asked as he sat on the bed next to Haechan.

“Of course. I don’t really have a choice, do I? I’m pretty sure the manager wouldn’t be too fond of me taking a day off because I had a bad dream,” Johnny replied. Suddenly, his alarm sounded, causing Haechan and Yuta to jump. 

“Well, if I wasn’t awake before, I am now,” he muttered as he rubbed his eyes. Haechan clutched his chest and fake a huff of annoyance.

“You could have killed me with that!” he feigned offense until Johnny shoved him off the bed. 

“Take that as your sign to get out of my room. I’ll meet you guys in the kitchen in ten.” The other four nodded and headed down the halls to their respective rooms. Ten minutes later, they were seated around the table eating the last of their breakfast when Mark’s phone buzzed.

“Alright, it’s showtime,” he said as he slipped his plate into the sink. The five men slipped out of the front door and into the van waiting for them outside. The fan meeting went without a hitch and was full of laughs for both the boys and the fans. They arrived back at the dorm drained and ready for bed. The boys quickly disappeared into their respective rooms after taking showers and mumbling their goodnights. Johnny was grateful for how busy his day was. Hopefully, that meant his brain would be too tired to come up with anymore horrible dreams. The minute he entered his room, he tumbled into bed and was fast asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

_ Johnny opened his eyes, but all around him was white. He tried to stand, but couldn’t move. Upon looking down, he saw his wrists were tightly bound to the bed he was lying in by thick leather straps. He pulled against the leather and twisted his wrists, desperately trying to slip them out. Suddenly, a familiar voice spoke up, causing him to jump. _

_ “Johnny, stop pulling on those, you’re going to hurt yourself,” a woman’s face came into view, but Johnny couldn’t make anything out other than the white cap she was wearing.  _

_ “You… you… you’re,” Johnny sputtered, trying to find words through his surprise. _

_ “Yes, Johnny, I’m your nurse. I come every morning to make sure you take your medic- Stop pulling on these, you are going to break your thumb. They are on for a reason and will be taken off again when I can trust you.” Johnny opened his mouth to protest, but was quickly cut off. _

_ “Now take your medicine please. These can come off tomorrow if you’re good.” Johnny squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head as far away from the nurse as possible. _

“Johnny! Johnny, wake up!”

Johnny’s eyes snapped open and he came face to face with Taeil standing above him, shaking his shoulders. 

“Hyung, what are you doing in here?” Johnny asked as he scrambled to sit up.

“You slept through your alarm so we were all worried,” Taeil replied quietly as he stepped away from the bed.

“Slept through my alarm?” Johnny whispered more to himself as he rolled over to check his phone. That couldn’t be right; he never slept through his alarm. Sure enough though, when he checked his phone, it was nearly a half an hour after he was supposed to have woken up. Even when he was sick, he managed to drag himself out of bed on time for all of his schedules. 

“When’s the van leaving?” he asked as he leapt out of bed. He rushed over to his drawers, but was stopped with two hands on his shoulders.

“Did you have another one of those dreams?” Taeil asked worriedly. Johnny sighed and dropped his eyes.

“Yeah, but I don’t really want to talk about it,” he replied quietly.

“Johnny, you know you can tell me anything. If this is bothering you that much, it really isn’t stupid,” Taeil said.

“I’m really fine, hyung,” Johnny assured. He pulled away from Taeil to find some sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“The van leaves in ten minutes,” Taeil said with a sigh.

“I’ll be right down,” Johnny promised, “don’t let them leave without me.” He darted out of the room and off to the bathroom to wash up.

“I won’t. And I’ll grab you a granola bar for the ride,” Taeil called after him. He headed back to the others to assure them that Johnny was fine and on his way. Johnny managed to wash up and get ready just in time to catch the van to the practice room. They only had rehearsals today and their manager hated them being late so he always made sure to be punctual. He was used to waking up in plenty of time but he had no idea what changed last night. His mind kept wandering to the dreams he was having. They were so real and it was odd that the same thing kept happening. With that distraction came a complete lack of focus towards the dance they were learning and after his fifth or sixth mistake, their choreographer called a break. Johnny took a seat in the back of the practice room, sipping on his water and willing his brain to focus. Yuta and Taeil took the seats on either side of him but he didn’t notice until Taeil spoke up.

“Hey, are you doing okay?” the older boy asked quietly. Johnny sighed and wiped the sweat off his forehead. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, “I just can’t really focus right now.”

“Are you going to be okay to keep going?” Taeil asked next.

“We only have,” Johnny glanced down at his watch, “a couple hours left. I’ll be fine and I’ll come back tomorrow on my own.”

Taeil opened his mouth to respond when the choreographer called that their break was over. Yuta jumped to his feet and held a hand out to help Johnny up too, flashing a supportive smile. Luckily, the rest of their rehearsal went without a hitch and they were heading home in no time. Johnny had barely stepped foot in the dorm when Taeil was shoving him towards the bathroom and telling him to take a shower. He took his time in the shower before going to join his roommates in the living room. It wasn’t until he sat down on the couch next to Yuta that he realized something was off. 

“Where are Mark and Haechan?” he asked. 

“They went to the Dreamies’ dorm tonight to stay with them,” Taeil replied. He looked up from his phone and caught Johnny’s confused expression. “Did you not hear them say that at the practice room?”

“No,” Johnny said quietly. He could have sworn they were in the van when they left but his mind had been distracted all day so he wasn’t that worried. 

“I think I’m gonna head to bed.” He wanted to stay up with his friends for a little while but he obviously needed sleep. Johnny padded down the hallway and climbed into bed. He triple checked he set his alarm right before hunkering down and falling asleep. 

_ Johnny’s eyes opened to reveal he was in the same room he was in last night. Most of it was white and fuzzy, save for the door on the opposite end. He wasn’t as afraid now that he was used to these recurring dreams. He glanced down at his wrists and, sure enough, he was still restrained to the bed he was in. Right on cue, the nurse walked in carrying two cups. “You again,” Johnny said nervously. “Yes, Johnny, it’s me, just like it is every morning. And I have your medication,” the nurse said. “I’m not taking anything,” Johnny said firmly. “You have to take your medication, Johnny. I can’t let you out of those until you do.” Johnny fought as best he could to avoid the nurse but she shoved the pills into his mouth and helped him drink some water. The nurse let the room and the loud slam of the door made him jump. He started to look around the room to investigate when everything started to fade away.  _

Johnny woke up slowly, feeling groggy. He knew he didn’t sleep well and his messed up sheets told him he had moved around quite a bit. He was in a fog as he sat up and checked his phone. His alarm was supposed to have gone off already. He could have sworn he set it. But did he? Now he couldn’t remember. With a tired groan he rubbed his eyes and dragged himself out of bed. His whole morning routine was completed on autopilot and it took him until he reached the kitchen to fully wake up.

“Are you sure you’re up to practicing?” Yuta asked dubiously, “you don’t look so good.”

“I don’t feel so good,” Johnny admitted, “but I have to go. I didn’t practice well yesterday and I need to catch up.”

“Only if you’re sure,” Yuta said uncertainly.

“I am. I promise,” Johnny said firmly, “and we can go get sushi afterwards.” Yuta cracked a small smile.

“Deal,” he agreed. They finished getting ready, packed their bags, and headed off to the dance studio. Yuta went over to the speaker to plug his phone in and set up. 

“Whoever does worse buys,” he challenged.

“Get your wallet ready then,” Johnny quipped. Yuta smiled and hit play before quickly joining Johnny in the middle of the room. They were halfway through the song when Johnny suddenly felt a wave of dizziness hit him. He stumbled to a stop and took a hard seat on the floor before everything faded around him. 

_ Johnny’s eyes snapped open and the first thing he noticed was the light in the room. The light? It was light? He looked around and found a digital clock sitting on a table next to him. 2:37 pm. Afternoon? He looked around again and started to make out more stuff around him. The window that looked outside, the table next to him, the chair against the wall, the door that led into the hallway, a nightstand. On the nightstand sat some flowers and a card. He squinted to read it. “Get well so-” _

Johnny sat up with a gasp.

“Whoa, whoa, careful,” Yuta said quickly. He stopped Johnny from sitting up more with a hand on his shoulder and offered him some water to drink. Johnny took the water bottle with shaky hands and took a sip. He put the water bottle down and hung his head.

“How do you feel?” Yuta asked nervously.

“Okay,” Johnny said quietly. He paused before continuing in a small voice. “I had another one of those dreams.” Yuta’s eyebrows shot up.

“Another dream? Like the ones in the hospital?” he asked. Johnny nodded.

“You were out for a little while,” Yuta said uncertainly, “just wait here. I’m gonna clean everything up and then we’ll head back to the dorm. I think your blood sugar is low.” Johnny didn’t protest. He sat in silence while Yuta packed up all of their things. Why did this keep happening to him? And now he was having these dreams without even going to sleep. Why was it getting worse? Hopefully, Yuta was right and it was just his blood sugar causing his mind to run wild. He shakily pulled himself to his feet and grabbed his things. He leaned heavily on Yuta and let his friend help him out of the practice room and back to the dorm. Taeil was on him like a hawk the minute they got home. 

“What happened? Johnny, you look so pale,” the older boy fretted.

“I’m okay,” Johnny lied. He took a hard seat at the table and buried his face in his hands. He was starting to get a headache and could feel the room still spinning.

“He passed out at practice so I brought him home to eat,” Yuta whispered to Taeil. The older boy nodded and sent Yuta on his way to take a shower. He quickly fixed up some ramen for the both of them and let a tense silence envelope them while they ate. Taeil knew that Johnny didn’t want to talk about what happened so he didn’t want to push it.

“I think I’m gonna go lay in bed. I still don’t feel right,” Johnny said after he was done. He stood up from the table and started to head to the bedroom on shaky legs. Luckily, Taeil was right behind him to steady him and brought him to his bedroom. The eldest got him settled into bed and left without a word, leaving him alone with his thoughts until he finally exhausted himself enough to sleep.

_ Johnny’s eyes opened slowly this time. Unsurprisingly, he found himself once again in the hospital room. Unlike the previous times he had found himself here, this time he wasn’t afraid. He looked around and found the room to be exactly the same as last time he remembered it. The only difference was the time on the clock was different. It dawned on him that the last thing he remembered doing was trying to read the card on his nightstand. It was propped open and he squinted his eyes to read the message inside and who it was from, but he couldn’t make out the letters. As if on cue, the nurse came in not long after. “It’s time for your afternoon medication, Johnny,” the nurse said. It was afternoon again? Johnny fought against the restraints again and tried to hide his face from the nurse, but he soon found everything slowly fading to black.  _

Johnny awoke with a quiet shout. Before he could even focus properly, Taeil was standing in front of him.

“Johnny, it’s okay, I’m here,” he said gently, “did you have another one of those dreams?” Johnny nodded slowly. 

“They just keep getting worse,” he said shakily. His head was pounding and was still cloudy from sleep.

“Why don’t you go take a shower to wake up and clear your head and then meet me in the living room so we can talk about this? Something is obviously wrong and you can’t keep hiding from this anymore,” Taeil said gently but firmly.

Johnny nodded again and finally got out of bed to take a shower. He took a long time in the bathroom before finally leaving to wander into the living room.

“Where’s Yuta?” Johnny asked nervously. It was odd that there was no one else in the dorm except for him and Taeil. It was always so loud and busy in here and the silence was almost eerie. 

“Oh, he went to the practice room early this morning,” Taeil said. He knew Johnny was trying to delay the inevitable so he grabbed the younger boy’s hand and pulled him onto the couch. “What’s going on, Johnny? You’ve been acting off for days and I know it’s more than you just not feeling good.” Johnny sighed sadly. 

“I keep having those dreams. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I even had one when I passed out at the studio. They just feel so real and nothing like this has ever happened before. I thought it might be my blood sugar but I’ve been eating and that hasn’t helped,” Johnny mumbled, “I’m starting to get scared. I don’t know what to do.”

“I know everything that’s happening is scary and confusing but we’ll figure it out. I know the comeback is coming up and the stress could be starting to get to you. The managers would understand if you need to take a break,” Taeil said.

“I don’t want to do that,” Johnny insisted. 

“I know you don’t, but it might be your best option until you’re back in tip top shape. A break helped you out a lot after this happened last time. You haven’t had a vacation in a long time and that takes a toll,” the older boy said gently. Johnny sighed sadly.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. If I can’t figure this thing out soon, I’ll talk to the managers,” Johnny promised. 

“And don’t forget, we’ll all be here to help you no matter what,” Taeil said soothingly. The older boy continued to talk to Johnny to help calm him down. Johnny closed his eyes and leaned into Taeil’s touch. As the older boy continued to whisper to him, his voice seemed to be getting farther and farther away.

“Hyung! Taeil hyung! Taeil hyung!” Johnny cried. His eyes flew open and he reached out for the older boy but nothing was there.

Johnny sat in his bed, chest heaving. It took him a moment to realize where he was. He glanced around and everything was exactly how he remembered it. The flower and card on the nightstand, the clock on the table, the bed, the window, the door. But this time there was more… There were footsteps and talking outside, there was a TV playing softly in the corner, and there were smells. He could smell the food sitting on his table and the stale air of his room. For the first time since he started had these dreams, everything felt clear, like he wasn’t missing anything. He was so wrapped up in his head that he nearly jumped out of his skin when the door opened and the nurse came in. 

“Good afternoon, Johnny. It’s time for your medication,” his nurse greeted. Johnny shook his head and pushed himself back against his pillows. 

“Johnny, please don’t be difficult. You’re getting so much better and I have clearance from the doctor to take these restraints off,” she said.

“I don’t have to do anything for you. None of this is real and I’m not going to take the medication. I’m going to wake up soon and go back to my friends and never see you again,” Johnny bit out bravely.

“What friends are you talking about, Johnny?” the nurse asked tiredly. She set the pills and water on the table.

“Taeil hyung and Yuta and Mark and Haechan,” Johnny said like it was obvious. The nurse sighed.

“Those people aren’t real, Johnny,” she explained, “you’re in the hospital and you have to take your medication for your hallucinations.”

“No! You’re lying! This is a horrible nightmare and I’m going to wake up soon and this will all be over!” Johnny cried.

“Johnny, this isn’t a nightmare. It’s Wednesday afternoon and you’re still in the hospital. You’ve been here for almost a year and we talk every morning and afternoon. Those people aren’t real and when you wake up tomorrow you’re still going to be here,” the nurse explained, “now you need to take your medication or I’m going to have to have you sedated again. Johnny narrowed his eyes and leaned away from the nurse. 

“I’m not doing anything!” he said defiantly. The nurse sighed and pressed a button. A few more nurses joined her in the room and one gave Johnny a shot that made him groggy enough to take his medication without complaint. 

Johnny tried to fight but it was no use. At least this would mean his nightmare would be over and he would be back with his friends soon. He couldn’t wait to wake up from this nightmare and he was relieved when he opened his eyes again. It took him a few moments to realize that instead of being in his dorm room, he was still in the hospital. He tugged against the restraints on his bed, but couldn’t get free. It wasn’t long before he couldn’t take it anymore and burst into tears. The nurse had been telling him the truth. He had been so convinced that this had been his nightmare, but his mind had been playing tricks on him and this was in fact his reality.


End file.
